Profit From Pain

I was thinking about pain this weekend.  There are all kinds of pain: physical pain, emotional pain, mental pain, people who are a pain in the rear …

You get the idea.

I make it a point to avoid pain.  Because it hurts, and I am notoriously wimpy.  I do not like to hurt.  Not one bit.  But then I thought of all the times I have experienced pain, and each and every time I have learned a lesson.

Some of the lessons were simple.  Things like:

• Wear sunscreen.
• Do not do an hour of Pilates if you are 44 and have not exercised in six months.
• Stop eating the cake when you are full.
• If you are a freshman in high school, it’s not such a good idea to tell the girl who is part of a gang to “Sit and Spin”.

Actually the cake one is a lesson of which I am aware, but apparently have not really learned yet because I continue to eat the cake after I am full.  

Other lessons have been more complex and layered.  Examples include:

• Spend time with those you love while you can.
• Know when the relationship is more important than the argument and treat it as such.
• You don’t have to say everything you’re thinking.
• Look for the best in others and the worst won’t bug you as much.
• I am responsible for my own thoughts, feelings, actions and beliefs.
• I am NOT responsible for yours.

These are all important life lessons which have come from pain and I am grateful to know them.  Which, in turn, should make me grateful for pain.

Being grateful for pain.

I don’t think I am quite there yet.

I do think I face pain better than I used to though.  I am more willing to walk through a storm if I have to, because I know there will be a reward on the other end.

Which still doesn’t mean I like it.  

Do you think that maybe one of these days I’ll actually become a person who learns things the easy way? Like by reading a book or something?

It seems unlikely.

Until I do, I guess I am glad that pain at least comes with a purpose.

Numbered

No, I have not fallen off the face of the earth.  This whole “working full time” thing always takes some adjustment for me.  Add in that the stupid detasseling season WILL NOT STOP and I had to get up (and stay up) at 4:30 for 10 solid days and I’m just doing my best with life’s basics right now.

Ok, enough excuses.

Today’s theme is numbers!

I’m sorry, but I just can’t say “numbers” without thinking of The Count and when I think of The Count I want to hear him laugh.  It’s enjoyable.

Numbers:

22 - The number of years Rich and I have been married as of last week.  It makes me smile.  On the actual day we both had to work so we celebrated in our usual way and then had time for just the two of us on the weekend.  A year ago I didn’t think we’d get to 22 and I hope to never take an anniversary for granted again.

8 - The grade that Faith will be in this year and… 

67 - the approximate number of times I asked her if she was really, really sure that she wanted to switch schools this year.  To the one where I work.  She said yes each and every time so we will once again be in the same school this.  I am actually looking forward to it.  I kinda like her.

1 - The number of tattoos that now decorate my child’s precious body.  However, now that she is 18 she does not need my permission or, apparently, my approval.  

You give birth to a baby and spend the next eighteen years nurturing and protecting their precious bodies and then they become “adults” and …

Sigh.  Ah well, as tattoos go it’s not terrible.  No curse words or cartoon characters.  It’s just that I keep picturing her in a strapless gown on her wedding day and all the guest squinting at her trying to figure out what her shoulder says.

14 - The number of days till she moves into her campus housing.  

0 - How many school supplies I have purchased for the other two who start in 4 days.  Whoops.  Guess I know what I am doing this weekend along with 5,000 other last minute parents.

35 - dollars that Hayden has spent out of his hard earned money so far and only because the charger for his laptop died and he had to buy a new one.  Nothing like calculating how many hours you have to spend in a hot corn field to buy something to make money seem very valuable.

20,000 - The dollars siphoned out of the account of the owner of the detasseling company’s bank account.  Turns out that it’s not such a good idea for kids to post proud pictures of their first paychecks on Facebook.  Hayden didn’t do it, but several others did and then creeps used the numbers in those images to steal money.  There’s an important life lesson right there.

Okay - that’s enough math for today.  Have a great weekend!

I.O.U.

For 42 years, I walked around with invisible tally marks hanging over my head.  Independent, I loathed the idea that I owed anyone anything.  When the kids were small, if I had to ask a friend to watch them I could not rest easy until I, in turn, watched her kids.

I needed things to be “even.”

In fact, even was not good enough.  I wanted to be ahead.  Want to carpool with me?  Great!  You drive two days a week and I’ll drive three.  Want to take me out for coffee?  Thanks.  I’ll take you to lunch next week.  Bring me some cookies and I’ll return the plate with a cake on it.

I owed no one.

And then 2012 came along and so many people did so many things for me that the concept of “owe” went out the window.  People brought my meals, cleaned my house, looked out for my kids, cried with me, prayed over me, loaned me money, dragged me out of bed and redecorated my bedroom.

I didn’t even have the wherewithal to keep track of all the favors, much less keep score.  I could not begin to pay back all that I owe directly.  

That inability is very freeing.

It frees me to extend kindnesses and favors to others without making tally marks in the air.  It frees me to accept overtures of like kindness and favor without worrying about what it’s going to cost me.  Because the concept of “owing” is stupid.  It implies that life is fair; that all of us are able to give and receive in equal fashion at all times if we so choose.

Dumb.

Because there is no such thing as fair. Deserve is a meaningless concept.  None of us get what we deserve.  Beautiful people haven’t done anything to deserve their good looks.  The children of Darfur don’t deserve to be displaced and murdered.  10 year olds don’t deserve cancer.  I did nothing to deserve being born to loving, middle class parents.  My dear friend didn’t deserve to be born to a drug addict and schizophrenic.

Not a single one of us deserves forgiveness.  And yet it is freely given to anyone who asks for it.

There is no fair, there is no deserve.  Thus if we “owe” anything, it’s to the world at large.  Kindness was done to me by people who had it to give at a time when I needed it.  I can look to give that back to those who gave it to me - and I’d love to if they need it.  But what if they don’t?  The women who brought meals to me have no need to have one brought to them right now so what makes more sense is to look for someone who does.

If we only extend kindness to those who can pay it back, that isn’t really kindness at all.  If we only give with the thought of what those we give to now owe us, that isn’t a gift worth giving.

So I am proud to say, that even with everything given to me in the last year, I do not owe anyone a thing.  Because I believe it was all given freely and in love.  Instead of worrying about paying back, I want to employ that (very) over-used term, “pay it forward”.

That’s a heck of a lot more satisfying that keeping count of invisible tally marks.

Mona Lisa source

Pay It Forward source

Heading Into The Last Turn

Easter is one week from today and I’ll just say it straight up:  I have not done so well with my Lenten Adventure.  After all of the encouraging (and super wise) comments some of you left last week, I’m done beating myself up about it but I am a little sad because I remember the huge gains I received last year and the fabulous feeling I had on Easter morning eating my cinnamon rolls and coffee and feeling like God and I had just “made up” in the best way.

This Easter will not be that dramatic.

Let’s face it though, my whole life has been overly dramatic since last Easter so no drama doesn’t feel like a big loss to me.

As I re-read my post about last Easter, I am struck by two things: 

1. How much growth the Lenten Adventure gave me a year ago.
2. How that growth was just the start of the most stretching, growing year of my adult life.

 I wrote last year about how worship music didn’t really touch me.  Shortly thereafter it became the life line to my sanity.  Today it gets me up and keeps me going each and every day.  My prayer life has grown leaps and bounds, as has my bible reading.

Maybe this year’s Lenten Adventure was not as “successful” because I’ve grown as much as I feel like I can for one year?

Or maybe I’m just lazy and have no will power?

It’s a toss up.

I’m going to try to finish this week out strong, keeping to my “give up” list.  Mostly though I’m just looking forward to Easter morning though because it’s an amazing celebration.  A celebration of life, resurrection and redemption - all things I am especially in awe of right now.

Last summer I felt God holding up my life when I didn’t think I could.

He resurrected my mind, my soul and my confidence.

And that would have been enough.  It really would have.  But then he also redeemed my marriage and my family and each and every day - even the painful ones - I am deeply aware and grateful for that miracle.

So Easter this year?

Is going to be awesome.

I sincerely hope it is for you too.

Oh - and if you need something to serve for Easter morning, I just put a recipe for Peanut Butter and Banana Baked French Toast up In The Fridge.

Enjoy.

I Know Three Things

1)  Nutrition Experts Lie To You

I am eating really, really healthfully right now thanks to this Lenten Adventure thing.  No meat, no cheese, no sugar, no bread, no alcohol, no soda … just LOTS and LOTS and vegetables and fruit and brown rice and oatmeal with some fish, eggs and yogurt for protein.

And guess what?

I don’t feel one bit different.  I do not have more energy.  I am not less moody.  I do not feel “cleaner” whatever the heck that means.

The only real difference is that I am slightly crabbier and could really use a cookie.

So don’t let those diet guru people fool you.  Yes, you should make healthy eating choices to prevent disease and take care of your overall health, but you aren’t going to feel better for it.

Sorry.

2)  Middle School Is A Lot Funnier For The Grown Ups

Oh the stories I could tell you.  Except that I can’t mostly.  I do have one from today that is sharable:

After school, someone called the office to report kids misbehaving (shocker!) on the northeast side of the building.  There were about five women in the office right then and we sat and tried to determine which way was northeast for several minutes.  Allison finally ascertained North and from there I could use “Never Eat Shredded Wheat” to figure the rest of it.  One of the other women said that she learned it, “Never Eat Sour Worms” and someone else had heard it, “Watermelon”.  

There were two girls sitting there waiting for their ride and about then one of them piped up, “You could say, ‘Never Ever Smoke Weed.’”

Yes.

Yes you could.

Health and Geography in the same lesson there.

3)  Black House White Market loves me

I went in the other day to look for dresses I can wear to work and somehow ended up trying on a little black dress with a large price tag.

It.  Looked.  Amazing.

They have some kind of fabric with super powers in that thing that tucks you in and boosts you up and generally makes you look 10 pounds lighter and 10 years younger.

Also?

The tag said 4 which is a lie, but a very kind lie.

Goodness I wanted that dress but it was much too … much for work and I have nowhere else to wear it.  It’s not really a grocery shopping, out to dinner at Applebee’s, meet friends for coffee kind of dress.

It’s more of a high school reunion, husband’s Christmas party dress - neither of which I have in the near future.

I’m totally going to watch for it to go on sale though.

What do you know today?